March 01, 2007

High Fashion

I’m the first one to admit that I am a very boring dresser. The most exotic thing I ever wear is a black broomstick skirt and a gauzy, flowing top a la Stevie Nicks. With that type of outfit I’ll wear many long necklaces and hope I look like the bohemian artist I want to be. But generally I can be seen in a pair of jeans and a sweater. If I have to look extra professional at my job I’ll wear a simple skirt and blouse. I’m definitely not cutting edge, nor do I spend a great deal of time or money building my wardrobe.

There’s a person in my office who is a medical professional. She lives with another medical professional. With their two incomes combined, they make more money than God. They live in a mansion which is decorated, I’ve heard, like a museum. While her special man friend is quite unpretentious, at least in appearance, the woman who works in my office is struts around in the most bizarre clothes I’ve ever seen. Apparently she only shops in Milan, Paris, and New York. Oh, and I forgot to mention, this woman is built like an Oompa Loompa. I’ve never seen such fat knees or thick ankles. She doesn’t wear high fashion clothes well, but holds her head up high, knowing that she is far more superior to the rest of us schmucks who wear St. John’s Bay.

Funny thing is, I think I look better in my humble clothes than she looks in her high-falootin’ clothes from France. My assumption is this woman envisions herself looking like the runway models when she wears these outrageous clothes. I took a look on the Elle website and found that not only do Oompa Loompa-looking women look weird in high-fashion designer clothing, so do the models. Check it out:

First of all, what's with the Marcel Marceau look? And that hair. I didn't realize hair bumps were in.

This dress looks like a giant balloon valance. I never really liked those on windows, and wouldn't dream of wearing one as a piece of clothing.

This dress reminds me of something the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland would wear. It's downright cartoonish. I know I'm a simple midwestern girl, but really, how many of you out there have an occasion to wear such an outfit?

While the woman in my office doesn't wear anything quite so "elegant," her clothes are equally laughable. I wonder how these woman can take themselves seriously. Maybe they don't. Maybe they are putting on their own personal show for the rest of us and are taking great pleasure in watching our reactions. If that is the case, Ms. Rich Pants is getting her money's worth every time I pass, because there is no way in hell I'm not going to raise an eyebrow at a middle-aged woman (Oompa Loompa) wearing furry platform shoes with her lime green capri pants, both which draw attention to those ample ankles.

Say I'm sour grapes if you want. I may laugh at these fashions because I can't afford them. I may laugh at these fashions because my lifestyle is less than flamboyant. But most likely it's just that I don't get it. Do you?

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