Holidays, Phase II

Well, I’ve finally gotten over the Thanksgiving blues set off by the Fauxs. Things aren’t good, but they’re as good as they’re going to be, so I’ve decided to just suck it up and be a good little Faux DIL. I’ve taken on the project of making Faux Ma’s remaining days tolerable, if not thought-provoking. I mean, I can’t imagine the absence of some self-examination when you’re looking straight into the light at the face of Jesus. I’m just helping that self-examination along, for better or worse.

So next comes Christmas. Who isn’t jolly at Christmastime? I’ll tell you who. Those fools who went shopping at 3:00 a.m. the day after Thanksgiving. They’re as pathetic as the retailers are greedy. While I was snug in my bed wrapped in a cozy quilt sinking into the downy goodness of my featherbed the mental, sleep deprived, still-stuffed-with-turkey-and-gravy fans of the –Marts were clawing each other to get the best deal on toys designed to keep their kids sedentary and hypnotized. The obnoxious TV ads for the obscene door-buster sales positively ruin the week before Thanksgiving. Thank God the stores are now advertising door-buster sales at a much more reasonable hour, 7:00 a.m. Still way too early for me on a Saturday morning. It’s a good thing though, because I wouldn’t want those kinds of people getting in my way when I’m doing my leisurely albeit more expensive shopping at reasonable hours of the day.

This weekend I undertake the decorating project. The tree is up unfurling its branches to receive hundreds of lights, ornaments, and tinsel. The entire cluttered house is crying to be declutterfied in preparation of the Nativities, Santas, angels, snowmen, and elves anticipating their freedom from the myriad of Rubbermaid tubs in which they have been stored for the past eleven months. A friend of mine once said my holiday house looks as though someone puked Christmas all over it. In my defense I would not say my house looks puked upon so much as being aggressively festive, and not in a bad way.

There will also be some Christmas baking done this weekend. I’ll be baking for two this year as Faux Ma most likely won’t be able to find the energy to do much cookie mixing. In my quest to become the Faux DIL they never had I’m going to cast aside my culinary principals and make a batch of Faux Ma’s fudge for her and Faux Pa. I’m morally opposed to making fudge with graham crackers, but that’s her recipe and I’m going to bite the bullet for a sick old lady. Damn I’m nice.

As judgmental as I may seem, I truly hope everyone can celebrate the season in whatever way makes them happy. I may be all shrimp cocktail and champagne when others are pickled pigs’ feet and Ripple but in the end we’re all thinking the same thing – who the hell invented fruitcake and eggnog? And what’s with graham crackers in fudge? (OK, that last one is just me.)