January 07, 2008


Corporate couples make me uncomfortable.

Maybe corporate couples wouldn't make me so uncomfortable, but I work in the public sector where outright indications of adultery are, well, uncomfortable. We as government workers in an extremely liberal state are supposed to be politically correct, are we not? Isn't committing a sin against God politically incorrect? (Maybe I'm getting my two wings confused.) Plus, people in the public sector lack the polish and panache of those stereotypically found in the private sector. In other words, corporate couples are much more attractive than government couples.

Take, for example, Bed Head and Mouse Mouth. Both are married to other people, although for the life of me I can't figure out who would have either one of them. Bed Head hasn't washed his hair in three weeks and walks around with a Leatherman attached to his belt loop. He's big in the union. A loudmouth. A dirty loudmouth. Mouse Mouth also has a hard time remembering to wash her hair, although I think she may get around to it every three or four days. She has the lips of a rat. Bed Head and Mouse Mouth have been seen at one of the dingiest bars of the whole city, making out with each other over lunchtime cocktails. I wonder what the union guys would say if they knew Bed Head was schweeling on company time?

Then there's Oompa and Clark. Oompa is really long-waisted and short-legged, taking on the appearance of an Oompa-Loompa, except she has ginormous boobs. Clark is a suave and handsome IT guy. Oompa and Clark meet each other around corners and in closets. They don't exactly hide, but they totally throw off the vibe that they are doing something wrong. Again, both are married to other people. Plus, one funny bonus is that Clark will not acknowledge any woman in passing when he is with Oompa, but will flirt shamelessly with them all when she isn't around.

Don't forget Tina and That Supervisor Guy. Again, both married to other people. Tina and That Supervisor Guy are shameless in the time they spend together, which makes me think there isn't really anything going on. However, if I knew my husband was spending so much time with one woman during working hours, I'd be a little miffed.

Throughout the years there have been many rumors floating about concerning the hob-nobbery of many coworkers in my department. I, for one, have never, ever been attracted to anyone I've shared work hours with. Yuck.

So when I see these little couples walking around the building or chatting over cubicle walls I get a little sick to my stomach. I just don't even want to think about the connections between Big Red and The Whisperer, two married women, inseparable at work.

Gag me.

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