March 17, 2010

A Sincere Apology, Sort of

All right, we've already established I'm going to hell for all the naughty things I said during The Passion of Faux Ma.  Isn't that enough?  No.  Penelope went and made me feel bad for talking about a dead lady's  cooter.  So now I must apologize.

I couldn't help it.  I was overcome with emotions I never though existed and this is my blog - my place to express - my outlet.  For all of you who were offended, I'm here to officially say I'm sorry.

The grossest part of that whole post was the icky cooter brooch at the end.  I can't believe I did that.  I also can't believe people spend their time constructing things like that.  Unlike some hairy beast lumberjack nuns I know (yes, I really know some) I really don't think I'm all that special because I have a vagina.  Every woman since the beginning of time has had one.  I don't even care that it's the gateway to life, it's an ugly piece of anatomy and we should keep it covered at all costs.

Oh, don't be all up in arms about my not worshipping my body and praising the fact that I'm a woman.  I have a perfectly fine body image.  I just don't get why we as woman are supposed to be all excited over our girly bits.  I mean, if men went around making jewelry that looked like their weenskies we'd think they were insane.  There are some things on the human body that are just icky-looking.  Cooters and weenskies are at the top of the list.

So okay, I'll apologize for speaking so glibly during the passing of a human life.  I should have left more time between the death and my post just out of respect.  But I will not apologize getting shivers when being forced to see not just any cooter, but Faux Ma's cooter.  It was just wrong and bad.  I will also not apologize for worshipping a higher power, God if you will, instead of some stupid part of my body. 

I will not embrace the cooter.

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