April 27, 2006

A Sad Day For Ben Hur

As heard in a report given by Mike Evans on KQRS radio, actor Charlton Heston is nearing the end of his battle with Alzheimer’s disease. He fought the good fight, but the tough guy seems to be losing.

According to my personal inside sources, family members of Heston first suspected something was wrong when they found him on a rooftop with two slate flagstones, one in each arm, announcing to the neighborhood, “The Lord has handed down these Ten Commandments!” They were able to coax him down after he was convinced his wife wasn’t really a monkey with a British accent.

His strength is waning as he refuses to eat. Sources say he just stares at the food and shouts, “Soylent Green is people!”

We believe, however, that he will go out of this world and into the next in a blaze of glory. In his withered and weakened state he will fall to his knees and pound the floor with his fist while roaring, “Damn you! Damn you all to hell!”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh, Moses, Moses.....may be time to light up that bush one more time, inhale deeply, stomp some straw into a few more bricks, grab your smiting stick and take a long walk (maybe 40 years or so) off a short pier somewhere near the Red Sea. If that doesn't work, call your buddies at the NRA and see if they can help you out. (By the way, that's the National Rifle Association and not the Not Really Actors Association.)