January 21, 2010

The Movie Of Faux Ma's Demise

Being the uncompassionate person I am I was complaining about how Faux Ma is handling her dire health situation.  While I am definitely not directly involved with the situation due to the fact that having a disease like cancer is a private family matter not to include the likes of me, a mere fixture in her son's life for fourteen years, it drives me nuts how she is living the last months of her life.  I know, just because someone isn't doing it the way I see fit doesn't mean they're doing it wrong.  Except she is.  Way wrong.  More wrong than wrong.  So wrong that she will be questioned at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.  "So, Faux Ma, how did you make a difference to the world in your last days?"  Her only response will be "I drove Faux DIL nuts."  Not only is it a stupid legacy, being able to drive me nuts isn't really that big of an accomplishment.  It's pretty easy to do.

So as I'm ranting to Penelope about how mental I am over Faux Ma's wasted days she gave me a good piece of advice.  "Sit back and watch the movie."  I've gotten that advice before, from a mental health professional at that, and seriously, it works.  One can be engrossed in a movie without becoming emotionally involved.  Great advice. 

As so often happens when Penelope and I speak we go off on tangents to entertain ourselves.  In this case I asked her, "so, who would you cast in The Movie Of Faux Ma's Demise?"  I must say, Penelope missed her calling as a Hollywood casting director.  She was spot on.  So from now on when I refer to people in my blog, you can picture them like this:

Faux Ma, the life-long passive-aggressive, long-suffering, anal-retentive star of The Movie Of Faux Ma's Demise:

Faux Pa, husband of Faux Ma, possessing a fear of too many buttons on electronics, incapable of operating a microwave, and all around useless housemate:

Boyfriend, son of Faux Ma and Faux Pa, and all around good egg:

Meredith, love of Boyfriend's life, bane of Faux Ma's:

Meredith's Parents, also known as "Mom" and "Dad," trying to make Meredith act toward her Fauxs as lovingly as they act toward the entire universe:

Penelope, her husband, and their children, the family Faux Ma would like at her deathbed instead of her own:

Diggy, Meredith's dead brother and reality-check card played when Faux Ma asks, "why me?"

So there you have it.  If ever I rant about how weird or uncomfortable or stupid things are in the way of a poor dying woman, you'll know the cast members involved and I'll try remember to step back and simply watch the movie.  (Most of us are quite attractive, don't you think?)

Addendum: About thirty minutes after I finished writing this post Boyfriend called the Fauxs and found out Faux Ma's cancer is growing by leaps and bounds.  She'll discontinue chemo and commence hospice.  Boy do I feel dumb now.

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