April 21, 2006

Who Pooped In The Gene Pool?

Who Googles people when they're bored at work? A show of hands? Everyone does it, and I'm no exception. Today I saw, in all his glory, my cousin.

Dickie was always a goofy little kid. He sported a buzzy haircut and had our grandfather's ears, kind of big and sticking out. He was always kidding around and making the girls in the family scream either by being gross (like when he would turn his eyelids inside out) or antagonizing them (like when they were trying to adorn themselves with Grandma's scarves and miscellaneous dressing table accessories). He was your average, trouble-making boy. Skinny and rambunctious. Drawing attention to himself in a family where the kids were mostly girls. Dickie was an all-American boy right out of a Norman Rockwell picture.

Through Google, I found him on a meat-market site, which I won't even dignify with a link. I would have never guessed it was the boy I knew by the description he gives of himself. He claims to be ten years younger than his actual age, even though an accompanying picture makes him look ten years older than his actual age. He is "looking for gals for fun in the Northwoods." Gals? Gals?! Not only is he looking for gals for fun, he is looking for fun gals who are half his fake age.

Apparently Dickie has found many gal friends on this site, judging from the risque pictures posted under a title advertising "Dick's Friends." My guess is that he paid a pretty penny to be associated with them, even if only to be allowed to show their come-hither looking faces on his page. And those gals are of consenting age as sure as Dickie is the age he claims to be.

I know I risk sounding naive when I say I am appalled not only by my cousin's brazen attempts to get laid by young girls, but that there is a website that allows and actually promotes such obnoxious behavior. Shame on all of you.

While still reeling from the shock of seeing Dickie acting like an old pervert in front of the entire universe, I can't help but remember him sitting at my grandma's pink Formica kitchen table with the rest of us kids, eating Snickerdoodles and blowing milk out of his nose.

I guess it's true: once a pig, always a pig.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Boy is that weird